To embrace Present Parenting, may mean taking the road less traveled because let’s face it, parents today are busy.
And I was just as guilty as anyone else.
Stopping to make eye contact when my child wanted to talk was becoming less frequent because…I was busy.
Taking time to sit on the floor and play with my kids felt more of an inconvenience because…I had things to do.
Or, sitting to have a conversation without my phone in my hand…a true test of self-discipline.
Don’t get me wrong, I had legitimate reasons for my busyness. But over time, I saw and felt the effects of being too busy and I didn’t like it.
In my heart, I knew my children needed more of my undivided attention and honestly, I wanted to give it, but it was a struggle to do so.
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My decision to be more present
Until I made the decision to live a slower-paced life and give more of my attention to the people who were the reason I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for in the first place, my children!
As a mom, I had to go back to the drawing board for what I knew were the most important reasons I wanted to be home and raise my children.
The original plan was to be able to prioritize their needs and well-being first, then fit daily tasks around them.
It’s easy to get off track with pressure to be perfect, keep a spotless home, and have a full-course meal every day.
Not anymore.
By, embracing a present parenting mindset, I’ve been able to shift priorities back in order.
I’ve learned to let go of perfection. Some days, the house is a mess. And some nights if I’m just too tired peanut butter and jelly works just fine.
The point is, at the end of a long day I feel much better knowing, to the best of my “mom-life” ability, I’ve given my children a present, engaged, and attentive mom.
This is not to suggest that my children do not play amongst themselves or find creative ways to entertain themselves.
And, there are still moments throughout the day when I take time to enjoy “me time” and rest and relax.
With no mom-guilt.
But more importantly, I’ve learned to take time to stop what I’m doing and come alongside my children and enter their world from their point of view.
What does it mean to be a present parent?
Present parenting means more than just physically being there.
It means showing up for your child, both emotionally and mentally.
It means being engaged in their lives, actively listening to their thoughts and feelings, and making them feel seen, valued, and heard.
When you embrace present parenting you are willing to put aside distractions and be present in the moment, whether it’s playing with them, helping with an activity, or simply having a heart-to-heart conversation.
Ultimately, present parenting is about setting aside quality time for your child.
A present parent is also very aware that they are a role model, demonstrating love, respect, and empathy.
How can I be a more present parent, when I’m already busy?
This is most parents’ dilemma when trying to make time to be more present.
We are all so busy, right?
But here’s the truth. We have to let some things in our lives go.
And we may have to reevaluate our decisions on a regular basis.
And I’m not just talking about letting go of the things in our lives we know are distractions, but even some of the good things in our life have to get cut too.
I understand that having a busy schedule can make it challenging to be as present as you’d like to be with your child.
But amidst the hustle and bustle of life, there are still ways to be more present.
Start by carving out dedicated pockets of time each day or week that are solely for your child.
It may be as eating together or engaging in a fun activity together.
During these moments, make a conscious effort to put away distractions, such as phones or work-related thoughts, and focus solely on your child.
Active listening and genuine engagement can go a long way in making any child feel special.
If you feel as though you have a never-ending to-do list, look for opportunities to involve your child in your daily tasks and routines.
Whether it’s running errands or doing household chores, find ways to include them and make it a bonding experience.
Remember, quality trumps quantity, so make the most of the time you do have by being fully present and attentive.
Practical ways to be more present.
Lastly, consider delegating tasks to help alleviate some of your responsibilities, allowing you to free up more time to spend with your child.
Consider minimizing and decluttering so you have less household stuff to manage.
Consider cutting back on sports and activities that may cause your family to spend extra time outside of the house.
Or, think about having meaningful conversations during times of the day such as bathtime, bedtime, while driving in the car, during meals, or plan them on your calendar if needed.
By being proactive and mindful, you can find ways to be more present with your child, even within a busy schedule.
It may not look as perfect as you’d like, but your efforts will definitely go a long way.
Why is it important for me to be more present with my child?
As parents, it’s important for us to be more present with our children because we have the power to shape their world in the most beautiful and meaningful ways.
With a goal in mind of developing a stronger relationship with our children as they grow older.
Our presence is a gift that no material possession can replace.
By being fully engaged and attentive this is a simple way to show our children we support them.
A present parent builds a strong emotional bond and provides a sense of security and stability.
I once heard someone say, “Every moment you invest in being present with your child is an investment in their future”.
I agree that our presence is the best investment we can give our children.
10 Key areas to improve present parenting:
- Time management
- Communication
- Practice
- Quality time
- Self-care
- Balancing technology
- Support network
- Organization
- Slowing down
- Celebrate your child
Time Management
Time management can help parents find a balance between their responsibilities and their available time to spend with their kids.
When parents effectively manage their time, they can create dedicated moments for their children with quality interactions and meaningful connections.
By keeping an organized schedule, you can allocate specific blocks of time for activities and outings.
The better we can organize our time the better we can handle our own tasks efficiently, reducing stress and mental overload.
And the less stressed we feel as a parent, the more mental energy we can use on being in the moment with our children.
The better we can manage our time, the better we can give our children the presence and attention they deserve.
Conversation
When we are spending time with our children every conversation does not have to be a serious or heavy topic discussion.
Our children enjoy it when we talk to them about their current interests, future plans, friendships, or even the clothing style they’re into at the moment.
Younger children enjoy many different topics on things such as animals, parts of a favorite book, foods, or a recent place they’ve visited.
As long as you are giving your undivided attention, eye-contact while creating an unhurried environment your child will enjoy talking about anything.
Sometimes, children just want to know that you care and that you’re listening.
When you’re intentionally bonding with your child through conversation, it’s not the time to be overly critical or corrective, but emphasize the time you are spending together.
Practice
Being intentional and fully present with our children may not feel “natural” to everyone.
If your family is used to everyone running in different directions, eating on the fly, or being glued to their devices it may take a little practice of what a new normal will look like for your family.
It’s okay if you have to put forth effort to create moments of togetherness.
Whether it’s a family game night, a weekend outing, or simply walking and talking together, these experiences have a profound impact on you being more present with your child.
Practice really listening to your child’s heart and you share yours with them, to help build a deeper understanding of one another.
Embrace the present, and time spent together no matter how small the time may feel to continue practicing those skills.
Quality Time
You know, as parents, we often hear the term “quality time” being thrown around, but what does it really mean?
Quality time is all about our undivided, intentional time and attention and genuine presence we give to our children.
It means listening so intently to understand their thoughts, dreams, and fears.
Quality time involves heartfelt conversations, or simply enjoying each other’s company.
It’s sad, to say the least, but we live in a society where the presence of children is often seen as burdensome, annoying, or an interruption of plans. I agree there is a time and place for adult business or adult conversations, but let’s remember to tell our children how much we enjoy their company. Or how we enjoy talking to them about ____.
Children need to hear from us how important they are in our lives.
As parents, we can use quality time to establish trust, love, and understanding.
Self-care
Self-care is at the core of so many of our parenting duties.
Because the truth is, if we are not healthy individuals we are not healthy parents.
We don’t have to be fit enough to run a marathon, but we do have to be physically, emotionally, and mentally available for our children.
It’s also important to have a healthy level of personal fulfillment, so we aren’t grumpy and in a constant “bad mood”.
You know, as parents, we often put our children’s needs before our own.
We prioritize their happiness and well-being, which is admirable, but it’s crucial to remember that we also need to take care of ourselves.
When we make time to recharge our physical, mental, and emotional batteries, this allows us to show up as our best selves for our kids.
Taking time for activities that bring us joy, indulging in our favorite hobbies, exercising, or simply having moments of solitude are all forms of self-care that can rejuvenate us.
By nurturing ourselves, we cultivate a sense of inner peace and balance that allows us to be fully present when we’re with our children.
We become better equipped to handle the challenges and demands of parenthood with patience and grace.
By operating self-care, we create a positive ripple effect that tables us to be more present and engaged with our little ones.
Balancing Technology
Screens have become an integral part of our daily lives.
And, we all can relate to how it can be challenging to strike a balance between screen time and being present with our children.
Many parents work in or out of the home, in any capacity, involves some amount of online tasks.
However, creating clear time slots for necessary screen time vs. endless scrolling is essential for fostering more present parenting.
As parents, we can learn new skills that don’t involve screens such as painting, sewing, gardening etc. The more non-screen hobbies we invest in the less time we are tempted to be on our devices apart from learning purposes.
We can replace some digital planning with paper planning, or paper calendars to help curb the temptation of always checking in online. Creating a family command center is a screen-free way to help maintain the daily logistics of a household.
Reading physical books is still an educational way to learn new information. With millions of online articles and videos, we sometimes negate checking out physical books as an option to learn what we need.
One of the most effective ways to balance technology is to keep yourself accountable.
You may need to disable apps on your phone, set social media time limits, or even explain to your child you are getting online to look for this very important email, then you are getting off your phone.
As digital devices continue to advance, finding a healthy way to manage technology is critical for not allowing technology to overtake our parenting lives.
* Helpful resource: Smartphones distract parents from cultivating feelings of connection when spending time with their children
Support for Present Parenting
When parents make the conscious choice to be more present with their children, the support and understanding of their friends can make a world of difference.
True friends recognize the importance of quality time and the benefits it brings to both parents and their children.
They understand that being present means setting boundaries and making intentional choices.
Friends can support parents by offering non-judgmental encouragement and respecting their decision to prioritize their family.
Those closest to you should understand that you don’t want to use all your free time on your phone, or every free weekend out and about. But your support system should understand that you want to invest your time and energy in learning and understanding your child.
By standing alongside parents on this journey, friends play a vital role in reinforcing the value of more present parenting and helping to create an environment that celebrates meaningful connections with our children.
Get Organized & Slow down
It’s difficult to attempt to be more present with your child if your mind is full of mental clutter working to try and find things in your home.
If the board games are lost, your schedule isn’t planned or you haven’t even thought about what’s for dinner of course any parent’s mind will be racing trying to always figure things out on the fly.
Stress, disorganization and overwhelm are huge mental blockers that can rob you of your capacity to be present with your children.
This was the driving force that led me on the journey of learning how to slow down and organize and manage my home better.
I wanted to spend more time with the people in it.
I’m constantly decluttering, adjusting, and reevaluating what’s most important in my current season of life.
There are lots of things that don’t make the list, and that’s okay.
Being organized with general preparedness helps you stay prepared and ready for different situations.
When you have essential items, such as snacks, diapers, or entertainment options, readily available, you can navigate outings or activities smoothly, allowing you to be more present and attentive to your child’s needs.
A huge part of home organization is knowing what’s a priority and what’s not and creating routines and systems to support it.
Establishing efficient routines and systems can help streamline daily activities.
This frees up time and energy, allowing you to be present during the moments you spend with your child rather than feeling rushed or distracted by other tasks.
Organization is not to promote a rigid lifestyle but a relaxed parent.
Celebrate Your Child
You don’t have to wait until your child’s birthday to have a reason to celebrate them.
Look for small ways to celebrate the efforts and accomplishments your child makes on any day!
Whether it’s reaching specific milestones, big or small accomplishments, hard work at a task, or putting forth extra effort towards a goal.
Children often desire our encouragement and admiration.
A high-five, hug, or a special dessert can send a sweet message, that you notice what your child is doing.
7 Ways You Can Celebrate Your Child:
- Praise and recognition
- Rewarded with extra free-time
- Special surprise
- Give the support they need
- Create a memory keepsake
- Put your words on a card or letter
- Special dinner
The Gift of Embracing Present Parenting
Being present with your child is a gift.
It means being conscious, aware, and willing to recognize what emotions are being expressed and mindful of them.
It means being willing to be vulnerable and react with compassion.
And it means being able to connect, without judgment, and without expectation.
Being present with your child means being willing to set aside things that may be getting in the way of your relationship.
Saying no to commitments and priorities that will prevent more time for spending with your child.
Making space for more quality time together.
Being present with your child is a skill that will only get stronger as they grow older.
By embracing present parenting, you’ll help to cultivate a sense of empathy and compassion in your child.
You’ll also give them a foundation of security and they’ll see that they have value and worth to others.
